Alas-nuwebe na ng gabi ngayon, labin-limang araw makaraan ang huli kong post, at isang oras bago na naman magsimula ang nightshift kong trabaho bilang isang call center agent. Maraming nangyari nitong mga nakaraang araw na hindi ko nailathala sa blog ko na ‘toh, pero iba ang nangyari sa akin kaninang umaga matapos akong umuwi galing sa trabaho.
Dumiretso na kasi ako ng tulog pagkarating ng bahay at nang mga bandang alas-otso ay nagising ako na iba ang nararamdaman pero dahil sa puyat at pagod ay nakatulugan ko na lang ulit. Ang huli ko na lamang nalaman ay noong magising ako’t nanginginig ang aking buong katawan at binalot ko na pala ng kumot ang sarili ko. Sinubukan kong kontrolin pero hindi ko magawa at nang hinipo ko ang leeg–lintek!–ang taas pala ng lagnat ko. Hindi ko rin magawang tumayo kaya’t tinawag ko na lamang si Mama, pero wala siya. Pumasok na ng eskuwela ang dalawa kong kapatid at namasada na rin si Papcee, kaya’t wala akong nagawa kung’di ang mamaluktot sa sulok ng higaan ko, tabi ng pader, habang nanginginig ang buo kong katawan sa lamig kahit parang pugon ang init ng kalamnan ko.
Maya maya pa’y dumating na din si Mama, bumili pala ng gamot na siya naman niyang pinainom sa akin. Ibinili din niya ako ng gatas at vitamins. Maluha-luha ang mga mata niya habang pinapainom niya ako ng gamot. Kung magkakasakit lang daw ako sa trabaho ko ay tumigil na lang daw ako. Pero sa totoo lang hindi sa pagaalala niya nadurog ang puso ko, kung’di sa katotohanang ehto ako, inaalagaan ng taong madalas kong suwayin at bigyan ng sama ng loob…na akala ko kaya ko na pero hindi pa rin pala…na tama lang pala na umuwi na din ako dahil makakabawi na rin ako kay Mama kahit sa mga simpleng bagay lang…
At nakakatuwa din dahil matapos lamang ang ilang oras ay okey na ako, na parang wala lang. 
Iba talaga magalaga ang mga Mommy eh. Kanina nga bago ako umalis ng bahay, gusto ko talagang magpasalamat kay Mama pero umiral na naman ang “the big boy in me.” Ewan ko ba, kung bakit tumatanda tayo mas nagiging mahirap sa atin ang magsabi ng nararamdaman natin sa mga magulang natin, pero pagdating sa mga quote kaibigan unquote natin eh todo open up tayo lagi. Newey, action speaks louder than words naman eh, ‘di ba? Pero sana masabi ko din sa kanya ‘yung mga bagay na noong hayskul ko pa gustong sabihin sa kanya…
OFFTOPIC:
Bukas November 25, after ng shift ko ay uuwi ako ng Bataan para sa birthday ni Lola ko para naman makabawi din. At sa November 30 naman ay kina Mama naman ako babawi dahil magte-twenty na ako.
And it really scares me!!!
One of the most exciting phase of creating a personal blog is the time you think of your site’s domain name, something (I think) that will greatly contribute to your blog’s success. First, a good blog title and/or URL is already a marketing tool (I couldn’t think any other term) in itself that can be retained or impressed on the readers’ mind, just like the LSS thing. The blog title/url is also embodiment of the whole blog-package, the concept, nature of the author & other quirks. That is why, as a blogger, it is important to give your site an interesting blog name & address.
some cool & stupid blogs I used to have, some I also registered at WordPress so no one can use them anymore. i'm not that possessive.
Now, why really am I talking about this? Is it because I have a very good blog name & address? No, I don’t think so. For me, ODDBLOOD is a real cool but it really was the last choice that I had. All the other blog names that I’ve fancied, either used up or just wasted and it really pained my heart every time I come to know that my future blog name had been wasted for nothing. It is the uniqueness, potential & possibilities that left me feeling sorry for myself, and hateful to those who registered and dumped those names. To cite a few examples, here they are, but don’t dare open them or you’ll just get pissed. 
- LIMELIFE (juicy, sweet & sour)
- BIRDBRAIN (ironic ‘coz I’m not)
- RAVAGE (forceful! azteegh!)
- STICKMAN (I am)
- VERITASERUM (from HP. “veritas” means truth)
- IDIOTBOX (cool!)
- LIFEISIRONIC (it really is)
Quite a handful, isn’t it? I am no longer bitter, though, because I already have my ODDBLOOD.
Really!
Isa sa mga nakikita kong disadvatages ko sa pagtira sa bahay ngayon ay ang unti-unting pagkawala na naman ng drive ko sa pagsusulat. Wala pa naman akong trabaho kaya naman lagi lang akong nakatunganga sa bahay, pero pilitin ko man ang sarili kong magsulat ay hindi ko magawa dahil tila nalulunod ang diwa’t konsentrasyon ko sa iba’t ibang ingay na nanggagaling sa loob at labas ng bahay.
Nariyan ang mga munting bata na naglalaro sa labas ng bahay namin, mga kapitbahay na nagchichismisan, ingay ng mga nagdadaang sasakyan at iba pang external disturbances na hindi healthy sa nagra-writer-writerang tulad ko. Isa kasi sa disiplinang pinapraktis ko ay ang pagsusulat araw araw sa aking journal kahit wala naman akong intensyong ipaglalagay sa blog na ‘toh. At isa pa, minsan ay nakakatipid ako ng pera dahil ‘di ko na kailangang makipagtitigan ng matagal sa monitor nitong computer bago ako makabuo ng isang post, dahil minsan ay ginagawa ko na rin sa bahay ang draft ng mga bagong blogposts ko, para itatype at edit ko na lang kapag nagre-rent ako.
Ang kaso, hindi na talaga ako makapagsulat ngayon at kahit sa mga computer shops ay hindi din ako makapag-isip at makapagsulat ng maayos dahil na rin sa ingay ng mga naglalaro, at ang pinaka-kinababadtripan ko talaga, mga taong sumisilip-silip sa monitor kapag nagtatype o nagcocomment ako sa blogs ng iba. Ewan ko, nako-conscious ba ang tawag ‘dun? Sa bahay naman, kung hindi ingay ng mga nasa labas ang kalaban ko, nariyan naman ang dalawa kong kapatid na makulit, idagdag mo pa ang ingay ni Mama kapag nagagalit o sinasaway ang mga kapatid ko.
Ano ba naman ‘toh. Kapag nagpatuloy akong ganito, mabobobo at mabobobo talaga ako, dahil kahit saan ako lumingon ay wala man lang ako matagpuang inspirasyon. At kakapirasong oras man lang ng katahimikan ay wala din ako. Maraming ideya ang madalas na naglalaro sa isipan ko nitong mga nakaraang araw, mga ideyang naghihintay mabigyang pansin at lubos na kahulugan. Ngayon ko lang din natutuklasan at nagagamay ang sarili kong “boses” sa pagsusulat, kasama na rin ang pagtanggap sa kakayanan at limitasyon ko sa sining na ito. Hindi pa naman talaga ako magaling. Gayon pa man, hindi ko pa rin maiaalis sa aking sarili ang naising magsulat. Kaya’t nakakalungkot lang dahil tila pumupurol na ang talas ko, at ang malaya kong isipan, lumiliit na ang espasyong nagagalawan dahil kahit saan ko man idako ang aking mga mata at tenga, lagi na lang kapangitan ng bago kong mundo ang aking naririnig at natatanaw. . .
Rubbish!
Maikli lang ‘toh. But I just don’t get it! bakit pa kailangang ipangalandakan ng ibang tao na emo sila. Tapos magsusuot pa ng shirt na may print na “EMO” at ehto pa na sobrang ikinabuwisit ko kani habang naglalakad papunta sa mall:
-
EMO
SUICIDAL ATTEMPT
-
Hey! So what naman kung emo at suicidal siya? Does anybody care? Kung talagang emo siya ‘di ba dapat matagal na siyang naglaslas ng pulso at matagal nang pinaglamayan? Grabe talaga ang mga tao ngayon. Basta masabi lang cool (but I doubt it) eh makikisawsaw sa isang bagay without knowing what exactly they are putting themselves into. Parang ‘yung mga naging past classmates ko lang, claiming they are emos as if they had to prove it, laging may naka-plug na pods sa tenga, may long bangs, naka-bandaid kahit wala namang sugat (grrr!), laging nakasuot ng checquered na shirt at shoes, tapos may naka-inscribe sa Friendster o Facebook nila na “Fix me I’m broken.”
Nakakainis lang dahil nagiging OA at over rated na. Why do you have to immerse your self in the feeling of hopelessness & loneliness and still stand proud you’d even wear it? ‘Di ba? Lahat naman tayo may mga ‘emoments’, like me na sobrang saklap ng buhay to the extent na gumawa ako ng blog para mai-vent out ang saloobin ko, pero never did I claim na ‘emo’ ako dahil there really isn’t such a thing, KSP, POSERS at JOLOGZ siguro meron kagaya ng mga taong napagkaitan na nga ng tadhana at proud na proud pa sila. Sarap sapakin!
I failed. This is all I get wearing & starving myself out for a day, waiting for the dreaded final Call Simulation & Interview in the first call center I tried my luck in.
The task was simple. I would pretend to be a SunCell Promotion Officer & convince the interviewer (customer) to switch to our network by offering incredible promos & features I made up. I wasn’t really expecting it, but my nervousness got the better of me & left me shivering & stuttering through the whole conversation with the interviewer on the other phone line. And that destroyed everything I toiled for from hour one. The interviewer told me that I’m still ‘good’ for my age, also considering that I haven’t had any call center experience yet, but he didn’t think it’s fine to stutter when you are conversing with a customer. He was right and I already knew it; I thanked him & hang up the phone, feeling apathetic as I crossed the lounge filled with hopeful applicants, and exited without a clue if I made it or not.
Only when I was walking back to our house did the whole thing hit home: I just failed my first attempt to get a job. The feeling was undefinable, a mixture of discouragement & doubt. I still have plan B, and that’s to apply in the new call center just a few walk away from our home, but I am afraid of committing the same stupid mistakes again. What if I stuttered again? Or worse? What if I’m really not for this kind of stuff? Where else will I be?
Anyway…
Everything’s not lost.
I still have my pockets
To run my hands into.
I have no other choice but to try my luck again. And this time, as FlaminDevil once said:
I’ll make it right.
I have always been around the blogosphere since I arrived, two days ago, here in Cabanatuan City for a permanent stay, but wasn’t able to update because I was quite overwhelmed by so many things that I didn’t know from where to start or what really was I to talk about.
There have been so many changes, some good, some are bad bad, but altogether surprising. I wasn’t really able to explore this place, our hometown, for I was still young those times and I had not a chance to roam and explore this city. That’s why I was so exhilarated when I had the freedom to make “gala,” actually the first thing I did upon getting home & eating lunch with my family. I didn’t spend much though; I just bought a shirt, a book & a cheap mp3 player. I was thinking of buying a new phone for I have none–all the recent ones, either stolen 0r just lost, but I resisted the temptation.
However, all the excitement vanished when I got back to our house. No, I wasn’t saddened or anything. Only it had been difficult for me to accept the fact that I’m really home now, in our house, surrounded by shabby houses, bare footed children, foul mouthed neighbors & filthy surroundings. You guessed it right, we are living near–or to be frank–in a slum, though the land we’re living is our own.
It was quite depressing that despite the continuous progress of Cabanatuan as a city, our area has remained the same, same old faces, same old problems. And it really pains my heart to see the condition, let alone accept the truth that we are one with them. The only thing that gives our family dignity and set us apart from the other inhabitants is our ability to live modestly in spite of poverty. We wear clean clothing, eat thrice a day, we don’t spit & curse. Our Mom & Dad are both educated people and I thank them for bringing us up properly. Otherwise, I and my two younger brothers will be just the same as the kids we see in the streets.
On the other hand, there are still some little things that brought me happiness like the recently re-installed water-line & electricity which my parents had dedicatedly toiled for. It is also good to be at home that when the hunger strikes, I can grab anything inside the fridge & eat, unlike when I was still living with my Granny where I didn’t feel at ease eating much.
Frolicking with Daniel & Benjamin was also one of the things I missed. They are currently into playing Pokemon–and I, an instant walking Pokemon Glossary-Encyclopedia for them as I used to be a Pokemon addict when I was younger. Mom is also funny, giving me a hard time making ice candies. Papcee also approved of me coming home for good, though he doesn’t think it’s wise for me to take up another course and study at the same time, so I decided to work until next year. I think it’s just about time that I set my personal plans aside and help my family. Besides, I don’t think that the money I’ve saved from my previous job will suffice for me to make it through this coming semester. I don’t want to give my parents a hard time so I have no other choice (and that choice I am really willing & excited to make) but to work. I will be job-hunting on Tuesday, so good luck for me.. ^_^
P.S
Anyone of you who have some tips on how to make it on a call center job interview?
Writing a sensual poetry
is to experience a succession of pleasure…
after pleasure…
-oddblood-
Forbidden
In loving silence of the night
We lie awake in blissful flight
Our souls are bare and we are one
Until the rising of the sun
-
You touched my lips and I replied
I kissed you when the candle died
Darkness wrapped our naked heat
As we flow in gentle fleet
-
I knew each every little you
As you unveiled my secrets too
We played the music of the moon
And felt the rush of our love soon
-
Soaked in rain, the fire died
The night left none for us to hide
Our souls are bare and we are one
Until the rising sun…
Nakakapanghinayang dahil tatlong taon ko rin hinintay ang isang bagay na matagal ko nang inaasahan mula nang maatasan ako maging Punong Patnugot ng diyaryo ng aming paaralan. Nagsimula lang naman ang lahat nang humabol akong board member noong freshman ako’t nag-suhestiyon ng sariling pahayagan ng mga magaaral. Hindi naman ako nanalo noon pero makalipas ang ilang buwan ay dumating ang magandang balita na naaprubahan ng Administrasyon ang aming petisyon na magkaroon kami ng school paper, at ako ang magiging Editor. read more…
One of the reasons why I still find it hard to write is that I got this growing feeling of insecurity towards my writing skills ( which I’m struggling to beat), especially when it comes to the English language which I have always taken for granted & have never had the chance to master because I landed a different path against my own dream of being a journalist.
Yes, I often do write but I only write out of instinct never minding rules, structure, stuffs you have to know in order to come up with a good composition. I also do a lot of reading & learn a great deal but not in terms of vocabulary, because I didn’t really cared then if I only had a limited supply of words for as I knew it, my dream of becoming a writer has long been foiled! What’s the use right? But only now did I learn my lessons, because I can’t afford being complacent. I need to be more, I want to become better. read more…
Sa totoo lang eh hindi ko marerealize ang abilidad ko sa pagsusulat kung hindi ako na-ilab at nabigo noong hayskul, at dahil nga pipi ako noon pagdating sa mga ganoong bagay eh dinadaan ko na lang sa pagsusulat at pagjo-journal bago pa man ako natutong gumamit ng computer at magblog. Naipost ko na ang tula na ito sa PugadMaya pero nadiskubre ko lang ulit habang nagsosort-out ako ng mga gamit na itatapon at dadalhin ko pauwi sa amin. Kauna-unahang english poem ko ‘toh noong third year high school, para kay Cristina pero nakakalungkot din dahil ‘di man lang niya nabasa. Matagal na akong walang balita sa kanya, basta alam ko lang eh malapit na siyang maging doktora, at ako naman, ehto pa din. haha!
Gusto ko lang ulit i-share dahil alaala ko din ‘toh ng mga unang taon ko dito sa Bataan, at sa ilang araw ay tuluyan ko nang lilisanin ang lugar na ito papunta sa sarili naming tahanan sa Nueva Ecija. At kasabay ng paglisan ko ay ang unti unting paglimot at pagusad mula sa naging buhay ko dito, pagtahak sa panibagong landas at hopefully, pagsusulat muli ng sarili kong lablayp. hehe, para maiba naman. Tumatanda na ako. Papayag na siguro si Mamadear.
Days of Loving You
Love endures eternity
Stands the test of time
Never withers, never fades
Though I may lose this prime
-
The river dries in summertime
And trees shed leaves in fall
But neither love or heart shall fail
For mine defies them all
-
Together with the old times
My sight of you will fade
I may forget those lovesongs
But not this serenade
-
And in the time of parting
Our days on earth are planned
Though I have never had you dear
Or touched your wrinkled hand
-
This I will say most sincerely,
“I love you,” that is true
My life became worth leaving
In days of loving you
